Dr. Shellie

Whenever I talk to a friend who is anxious, worried, going through hard times, or agonizing over a big decision, I tell them to go running. They don’t usually take me seriously. But running is one thing that I can always count on to make me feel better. There is something about the regular, rhythmic motion that sets my mind free from the little circles it is running around in and lets me relax. Afterwards I feel really good– not just physically, but mentally. Problems I thought were gigantic settle into perspective and I can think more creatively about how to solve them. I don’t run very far or fast, but it works.

It’s common to talk about "work-life balance," as if work and life were competing forces threatening to crowd out all your waking hours in a day. To put things very simply, I think you want to be happy about your life and what you are doing with it. You can think quite a bit about all the different factors you want to balance, and how you want to allocate your time between your goals. But what is most important is not figuring out precisely how to carve up your time– it’s recognizing when you are NOT in balance– when you are anxious, worried, stressed out, unhealthy, and don’t have the energy to do the things you want to do. In this kind of state, your perspective gets kind of skewed, and what you think are your best, most carefully-designed plans are likely to be good for nothing at all. I’d say, go running (or swimming, hiking, or biking) until you feel better.

Friend A to friend B, one evening not long ago: "B, I looked up your web page! Now I feel totally horrible about myself. Oh my god, how do you have so many papers?!!! I’m a total slacker!"

B responded: "Oh no, you totally shouldn’t worry… they’re all really short and not a big deal, it’s just one little project each and it’s always like that in my field, and I’m sure your papers are probably way longer and more important and…" 

Folks! A public service message, from me: checking your citations is not a good way to determine if your life has meaning. Neither is comparing your publication list to that of other people you know. However tempting, it only ends in distress.

You can, however, benefit from checking your citations (as well as other people’s publication lists) IF AND ONLY IF you view it as an educational exercise. Try to see how other people have built upon and developed their early work in order to make progress in their field. How can you do it too?

Every ten seconds or so, there is a loud, sharp crashing sound as something hits my roof. Outside on the ground are thousands of small, green acorns. It’s quite a surprise that these two facts are related– such a big sound from such a small acorn?

Over the weekend, I watched About Schmidt, a thoroughly depressing, and I would say, unredemptive movie in which Jack Nicholson’s character realizes his life has been wasted. In short, he retires from a lifetime career as an actuary at an insurance company and finds himself replaced overnight by a young business school graduate with no need of his accumulated expertise. Soon thereafter, his wife dies suddenly and unexpectedly, taking away his stability and source of sanity. Meanwhile, his daughter, who seems to have little desire to talk to or spend time with him, is marrying a waterbed salesman susceptible to pyramid schemes, and the sole source of happiness in his life is writing long, socially inappropriate letters to a 6-year old Tanzanian boy he is sponsoring through a children’s charity.

Right. My recommendation is to skip this one.

Anyway, this depressing reflection on the potential of life to veer towards futility just underscores (in contrast) how delighted I am at the opportunity I am getting. I am very happy that I will be able to do work that I find meaningful. That I will be able to do research and teach, build a group, and help my students develop their potential. That I will be able to contribute to a university community. That I will be able to live in a great city that my husband and I love. That I will have the resources (space! office! startup!) to start up a research program to tackle questions I think are interesting and important. That the campus architecture is beautiful. That we should be able to get a condo, a Prius, and a friendly, small-to-medium sized dog. (Yes, happiness has elements of self-fulfilment, altruism, and commercialism.) I am thankful to many people right now, for helping me get here.

I have now accepted an offer. Yay! Like any good anonymous blogger, I will need a pseudonym for my new university. I think I’ll call it Auspicious U. It has kind of a Chinese/Jesuit ring to it– "can’t wait to get started teaching my courses at Auspicious."

My start date is one year from now, in August 2008– in the meantime, I’ll continue as a postdoc in my current group. So for now, I remain Dr. (not Prof.) Shellie, as I hatch my plans for the future.