Fellowship of the miserable
I heard an inspiring talk this week from a college football coach. I hate football. I wouldn’t have thought that his experience would resonate with me. But it did. This guy was brought into University X to turn around a failing team, one that had been losing games and support for years. Within a season, he had totally turned things around– not only improved the team’s record, but brought out lots of fans to the games and raised lots of money.
So here’s what he said that really struck me: It’s all too easy to fall into the fellowship of the miserable. And once you do, you’re going to lose.
I think I’ve fallen into the fellowship of the miserable many a time, having conversations with other grad students and postdocs that went like this: grad school’s really hard, the problem sets are too long, everyone else is smarter than me, I might fail the exams, I’ll never get a faculty job, if I get a job it’ll be in the middle of nowhere in a place I don’t want to live… and on, and on. This kind of attitude never helps.
So what saved me from the fellowship of the miserable? Well, partly that I worked hard to get myself out of it at the times when I fell in. But what really helped was other people– people who said, "Hey, you’re really good, and you’re going to do well, and you’re going to have a lot of options, and don’t settle for options you’re not happy with– imagine where you want to be and what you want to do. Don’t let yourself think of the reasons you can’t do it– just go for it."
Yesterday I did this for someone else. It felt pretty good.
I’ll admit I dip in and out of the “Fellowship of the Miserable” in graduate school. It is interleaved with “Consortium of the Infurated” and the “Federation of Hope.” Your post inspires me to spend more time in the federation.
Thanks
Comment by FemaleCSGradStudent — October 29, 2006 @ 7:37 pm
It’s always good to feel like you are not suffering alone.
Comment by Phoebe — October 30, 2006 @ 8:02 pm
It’s great when you get to the point where you can start giving back some of that good you’ve gotton along the way, isn’t it? “Once in awhile you can get shown the light in the strangest of places if you look at it right.”
Comment by Zuska — November 12, 2006 @ 6:14 am
Good for you! Way to give back!
Wish I had gotten some of the encouragement you’ve had along the way. Right now I would burst into tears if somebody said “you’re really good, you’re going to have a lot of options.” I can’t remember the last time somebody said that about me.
Comment by MsPhD — December 24, 2006 @ 8:49 pm